Discovering Us; The Journey      

When I look at my wrist and the mark that I made

It’s in permanent ink so it never will fade

It’s a daily reminder that with a few more pills

My life would be over which now gives me chills

 

During that time I was feeling so lost

I was walking a line, one I almost crossed

I made the decision I thought was the best

That me and my problems would be put to rest

 

Some say the death angel is called by a song

The one your heart sings when you know you’re not strong

I was moments away from the reapers sweet kiss

Not worrying about all the things I would miss

 

That warm night in August I had reached my peak

My mind was spinning but my mouth couldn’t speak

There has always been something I couldn’t get off my chest

But trying to fix myself is what led to this mess

 

The only thing now was to let myself go

Until nothing was left, my existence couldn’t show

Though the day it happened was actually fun

No one could have predicted what now can’t be undone

 

When I got home that night I took pills before I could think

Looking back not it was all part of a link

I can’t take back my attempt on my life

And recalling the memory still cuts like a knife

 

That when I decided it was time to face the pain

Not know the wealth of knowledge I’d gain

Professional help has opening my eyes

Though what I found out was quite a surprise

 

I thought everyone had that voice in their head

You know the one you talk to while lying in bed

I however have more than one voice

Learning of them was hardly my choice

 

Mine didn’t only come out at night

But as soon as she told me I knew she was right

It’s not what I pictured when seeking the truth

And as it turns out I’ve had them since youth

 

Sometimes I wish they would all go away

But she told me they wouldn’t so listen and hear what they say

Some talk, some cry, some only see

She’s helped me understand they are all part of me

 

She often tells me to think before I say I don’t know

But it’s hard when each voice wants their own turn to go

The knowledge of this is still a hard to face

But she’s teaching how to let them all have a place

 

There are so many thought spinning around and around

But I feel a lot safer knowing that they’ve been found

I still wonder when the first one was conceived

But I know it stems from the love not received

 

Therapy has truly shown me a lot

It’s helped me see what others could not

At one time I thought I’d been plagued with a curse

Now I find comfort knowing they can’t be reversed

 

It was there in her offer that they were discovered

That’s where they’re safe, their veils uncovered

Sometimes I feel she thinks I am still in denial

Because I often hide behind a laugh or a smile

 

From the outside it might seem they’re something I avoid

Inside they’re present by my appearance looks annoyed

I found that step once was to acknowledge their presence

The next thing for me was to understand their essence

 

In the past it was clear I was running from you

But I realized I was a daughter they barely knew

So I took some time off not knowing where I’d land

But now we feel better so together we stand

 

Now that I know I am never alone

What I still fear the most if which parts I have shown

Though I don’t remember that much from my past

I’m beginning to see the web that we’ve cast

 

Even though you are all trapped in my mind

One by one you’ll get your chance to unwind

So for the rest of our days you’re always be there

Now with acceptance you can feel safe to share

 

There will often be things we won’t find in a book

So inside is where we can begin to look

Working together is what we all need

Like all our contracts and boundaries we have all agreed

 

I welcome all those that I no longer fear

So let’s walk together down this path we’ve helped clear

It’s ok everyone there’s no need to be scared

We can still all be different in this body we’ve shared

 

Come here little ones, ever mean one and shy

I think we’ve all learned that it’s ok to cry

No more avoiding it was a tiring chore

When we are all balanced we love ourselves more

 

It’s ok to show emotions, to laugh or be sad

Life with us all doesn’t have to be bad

Let’s blend and hold hands and all feel the sunshine

Because now and forever you’ll always be mine

 

-EBF

 

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