51 days

 

I challenged myself walking through that door

To fight this illness I let into my core

I was scared and I didn’t know what to expect

So 51 days I took to reflect

 

I went from living alone to having constant support

Compared to my home life Renfrew was like a resort

153 meals I chose to complete

these 51 days I was taught how to re-eat

 

I didn’t want to believe I had gotten this sick

This disorder over everything I would pick

I hated myself in so many ways

But in 51 days I learned how to reappraise

 

As eating got better some things got worse

Dissociation quickly became my new curse

Sometimes I’d be quiet, sad or rude

For 51 days they weren’t hiding behind food

 

Days at Renfrew were full of laughter and tears

Things came up that had been suppressed for years

While dancing in the rain I felt like a kid

For these 51 days no longer my inner child hid

 

In counselors and peers I could confide

As they graciously took time to sit by my side

I’d cry with my teddy and they would make me laugh

51 days of support from new friends and the staff

 

A part of myself I had to let go

But this voice in my heard would loudly say no

Right before treatment I turned up this voice

Because I knew the next 51 days were my choice

 

Before Renfrew it was getting harder to get out of bed

Because toxic thoughts kept spinning around in my head

I was about to challenge everything that I knew

In my 51 days at Renfrew

 

When my disorder had reached its peak

To Renfrew for help I did seek

I came to believe when people said that they care

In those 51 days that I was there

 

Going in I knew it wasn’t about the food

More about the way my problems were viewed

I never expected getting what I needed

In these 51 days I felt less defeated

 

Using ED symptoms felt like a rush

And of my dreams I was about to crush

To my body I ask what I have done

I started to restore it in those 51

 

Physically and mentally I was unstable

To be in my right mind I was not able

I couldn’t think I was always on edge

Those 51 days took me off the ledge

 

How did I get here I asked myself why

To my old life I was saying goodbye

Outside those walls I was living in fear

But in 51 days my thoughts became more clear

 

Reaching out for help made me feel needy

Getting someone’s attention made me feel greedy

I was so tired and I felt so weak

Those 51 days helped teach me to speak

 

Renfrew will forever be in my heart

It is where my journey I was about to start

This voyage at Renfrew was about self discovery

Those 51 days were my first steps towards recovery

 

In my head I felt so confined

Because inside I felt so trapped in my mind

Renfrew helped me ween off my disordered eating

In those 51 days my eating disordered I was beating

 

So long before treatment everything I did felt wrong

In my head my eating disorder voice was so strong

To myself I wanted to be more kind

In 51 days myself I started to find

 

Before entering treatment I couldn’t even think

A dangerous breakdown I was on the brink

At Renfrew is where I learned to lean in

These 51 days is where I did begin

 

For day 1 recovery is what I chose

Everyday since them my strength grows

Renfrew changed my life in so many way

Who knew what could happen in 51 days.

 

 

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