What’s the Fear

What’s the fear?

the heart stopping question asked directly to your soul

The question that makes your thoughts spin out of control

the answer to which you are not yet ready to hear

 

The fear is sitting face to face

knee to knee with an almost stranger

Not saying anything that would put yourself in danger

cynically thinking to them you’re just another case

 

The fear is trusting someone

Some one you meet with for one hour each week

Each session finding it harder to speak

trusting them with things that can’t be undone

 

The fear is letting go

of something you didn’t realize how tightly you’ve been holding

Grasping tighter to keep your blanket of security from unfolding

if you let it slip then you might let your feelings show

 

The fear is seeing their reaction to what you just said

secrets that are beginning to be uncovered

The real you is slowly being discovered

wanting to know every thought going through their head

 

The fear is the pressure to let out all the secrets kept

the more you talk the more you reveal

The reason you are there is to learn how to deal

such an interesting concept

 

The fear is sounding like a dumb ass

listening to yourself talk out loud

Everything being said is not something of which you are proud

insulting yourself in a manner that’s crass

 

The fear is letting someone else put their foot in your shoe

letting them relive each moment, every word, diagnosis, regret, or shame

Letting them look at your memories in your minds picture frames

embarrassed that they can see the real you

 

The fear is sitting there thinking they can read your mind

flipping through life chapters like you’re an open book

Looking for the missing pages you took

the ones you ripped out for no one to find

 

The fear is having to use your voice

speak about the things you tend to avoid

Thinking your presence is making them annoyed

feeling like you don’t have much of a choice.

 

The fear is waking up with the Pit

Going over and over the conversation that you can’t take back

Seeing them writing your confession on their note pad, keeping track

feeling the intense emotions that arise while there you sit

 

The fear is not getting the reaction you wanted

Being disappointed by the lack of concern they expressed

Feeling like in front of them you just got undressed

A moment so scary now the memory is haunted

 

The fear is getting better after you let it all out

no longer stuck in the company of your own misery

Not yet wanting to be ok with your history

not having anything to complain about

 

The fear is no longer having a person

someone who listens when you talk

even though you’re constantly checking the clock

you fear if you lose them then you might start to worsen

 

What’s the fear?

The adrenaline provoking, breath taking question

That one that makes you feel like you’re in confession.

The answer is facing the fear

 

-EBF

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